i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
