can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize