I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
two words: eviction party
vagina is talking i cant
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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