CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
