I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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