She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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