I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
