You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
