She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
