No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
