I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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