you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
