I could have mohawked her pubes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
