I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
