my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
