Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am naked and annoyed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
