just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
