So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
