quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I am morally bankrupt
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
