He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
