You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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