I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
