I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
