She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
