I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We named our party play list daddy issues
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
