There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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