I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
