Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
