Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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