Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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