remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
