Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
