remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize