got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
