If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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