Your face is a jimmy john
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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