it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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