i jhust puked up my retainher.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
