Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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