WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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