i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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