boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
