Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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