You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
