okay pat passed out under dana's car
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
