batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
