a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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