but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's never too late to be topless.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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