Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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