I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
