Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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