Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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