You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
