Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
