dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
