My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
