Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize