I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
