All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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