it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
