I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
