The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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