fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
