I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
