Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
