I wish they made helmets for livers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
