I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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