She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize