I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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