I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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