well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
