Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize