I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
