I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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