The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
