The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
