Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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