who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
