Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
