just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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