there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
