im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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