I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
