dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
