Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
