I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
