So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
