'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
