This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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