loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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