The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
