Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
