return my video game
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
