Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
