I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
