I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
