I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I looked at my own cervix.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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