I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
