wanna go halves on a baby?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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